I'm drive I can fine osifer
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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