and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize