Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
