I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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