Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The ass gains better be worth it
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