I just made out with a guy for $7.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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