you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
