i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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