all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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