Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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