I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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