Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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