dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
