Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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