You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My feet surprised me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
