I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
