before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
