It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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