i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
