so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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