We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
