they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
