Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
