1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
