So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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