Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
