Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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