My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
