The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
