I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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