isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
