I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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