I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
