Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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