dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
