the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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