Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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