I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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