im about as happy as oj after his trial
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
