Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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