I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
