Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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