She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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