Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
