My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
