she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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