i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?