party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.