just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
