are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
