I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for