I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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