why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
