Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
PANTIES FOUND
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