I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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