I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
