the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
