I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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