she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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