I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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