was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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