I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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