U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
