WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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