it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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