he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
