i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize