New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
