You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
