Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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