i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm both gender and math confused
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
