i need an iv and a liver transplant
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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