I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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